Longtime member and reader, posting under a frilly new sock account for obvious reasons, et cetera.
I've been living with my current roommate for two and half years now, and don't get me wrong, she's a lovely friend of course, but I do believe I have reached the end of my tether with her behavior.
I won't go into extensive details, but suffice it to say, this girl is messy. No, messy is too polite; she is a slob, and it is becoming unacceptable. She barely cleans up after her cat, and I'm always having to remind her to clean the very smelly litter box. I won't even go into things like dishes, hair in the drains, emptying the trash, empty drink bottles, piles of candy wrappers - ugh, it is beyond tolerable. She never ever ever does a single cleaning chore without being explicitly asked first. The other day I went into her room to converse with her and saw she'd thrown dirty clothing into the top of a hamper which still had several of my clean and folded sheets in the bottom. I am at my wits' end.
The problem is money. I simply cannot afford to move into a one-bedroom or heaven forbid even a studio apartment on my own, certainly not somewhere that accepts cats, and my special little darling will not be parted from me. My boyfriend, bless him, would like to move in with me, but in this economy - well, he's having difficulty finding somewhere that will pay his bills. He has a job, but he does not make a living wage.
The current lease between myself and my current roommate ends in June. We are already planning to move to someplace new, as our current location is falling down around us, so concerns about severance with our current leasing office are thankfully not in the offing. Should my boyfriend find a job by the time we are ready to move, I want to move in somewhere with him, and only him, and tell my current obnoxious bundle of passive-aggressive rudeness and filthiness to figure out something else.
The problem is, for as much as she is a completely intolerable roommate - sigh - she is a friend, and a good one. I despise living with her, but I love her dearly and don't want there to be any bad blood.
Our lease is up on July 1. What would be the last possible moment at which it would be considered acceptable to tell her, "Look, my boyfriend just got a job, and I would rather live together with just him than in a combination of the three of us"? If it helps, we're both willing to let her keep her things in our inevitable moving-span storage locker and sleep in our living room for up to two, maybe three months if she needs more time.
Any advice at all is deeply, greatly appreciated.
I've been living with my current roommate for two and half years now, and don't get me wrong, she's a lovely friend of course, but I do believe I have reached the end of my tether with her behavior.
I won't go into extensive details, but suffice it to say, this girl is messy. No, messy is too polite; she is a slob, and it is becoming unacceptable. She barely cleans up after her cat, and I'm always having to remind her to clean the very smelly litter box. I won't even go into things like dishes, hair in the drains, emptying the trash, empty drink bottles, piles of candy wrappers - ugh, it is beyond tolerable. She never ever ever does a single cleaning chore without being explicitly asked first. The other day I went into her room to converse with her and saw she'd thrown dirty clothing into the top of a hamper which still had several of my clean and folded sheets in the bottom. I am at my wits' end.
The problem is money. I simply cannot afford to move into a one-bedroom or heaven forbid even a studio apartment on my own, certainly not somewhere that accepts cats, and my special little darling will not be parted from me. My boyfriend, bless him, would like to move in with me, but in this economy - well, he's having difficulty finding somewhere that will pay his bills. He has a job, but he does not make a living wage.
The current lease between myself and my current roommate ends in June. We are already planning to move to someplace new, as our current location is falling down around us, so concerns about severance with our current leasing office are thankfully not in the offing. Should my boyfriend find a job by the time we are ready to move, I want to move in somewhere with him, and only him, and tell my current obnoxious bundle of passive-aggressive rudeness and filthiness to figure out something else.
The problem is, for as much as she is a completely intolerable roommate - sigh - she is a friend, and a good one. I despise living with her, but I love her dearly and don't want there to be any bad blood.
Our lease is up on July 1. What would be the last possible moment at which it would be considered acceptable to tell her, "Look, my boyfriend just got a job, and I would rather live together with just him than in a combination of the three of us"? If it helps, we're both willing to let her keep her things in our inevitable moving-span storage locker and sleep in our living room for up to two, maybe three months if she needs more time.
Any advice at all is deeply, greatly appreciated.
Comments
I STRONGLY advise against offering her storage space or a couch to crash on. That never ends well, and you seemed pretty clear you want to keep the friendship.
But, since if she thinks she'll be moving into a new place with you in July, she'll probably want to think about looking for apartments around mid-May or so, so that would likely be a good time to bring it up.
Also, I'd suggest bringing up the idea earlier, but in the context of if you're talking about your boyfriend - that's a thing that's totally normal after a certain point in relationships, and that way she won't have to feel like it's just about her.
I'd advise against letting her crash on the couch if you go separately though. That usually doesn't end well, and two months could become three, which could become four, and on and on and she never leaves.
Don't offer to take her stuff or let her couch surf. Then you'll have all the bad parts of having her as a roommate, without even rent to offset the annoyance. If for some reason you feel that you absolutely must allow her to couch surf or keep her stuff at your place, make it very clear how long that situation will be going on, and what's going to happen afterward. Then write that all down and put it in an email so you can refer back to it at the end.