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I think this story takes the cake ...

I could only think of one roommate in particular that would take the cake and be post-worthy for this community.

I lived with the worst roommate of all time for two years! Why you ask? Because, although it was excrutiating and hellish ... he was my good friend. Toward the end though, it boiled down to either separate or hate each other.

It all started like this (we'll just call him L) ...

L and I had been friends for a couple years and decided we'd move in together. We saw this as ideal as we spent so much time together already and enjoyed one anothers company.

About a week before we moved, he met a guy who he fell for and they started dating. The guy (who we will call K) helped us move in and NEVER left. K was there morning, noon and night. He didn't work, and spent all day every day using our things, eating our groceries and sitting around watching television. I mentioned to L that since K was around all the time he should help pay rent, or at LEAST buy groceries (something I thought was respectful and reasonable). L blew up and told me I was being ridiculous. I decided that I needed a break from the situation and made a retreat to Toronto one weekend to visit friends. I came home to find that they had sex in my bed (and didn't wash my sheets) I am assuming they used my bed because it was larger, because L was kind of cheap, he only had a single bed. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had this David Bowie cd that I loved (he couldn't stand Bowie) which I found broken in half and left under my pillow. He blamed the CAT. L also claimed to have a 'dish phobia' so guess who had to wash his and K's dirty dishes? Me. I hated K with a passion at this point. As luck would have it, the relationship fizzled out about 3 weeks later. K had cheated.

This brought on a new set of problems, as L requires a lot of company, and so he sought the company of INTERNET STRANGERS who he'd have over for one-night stands. I worked at night and would come home at 4am usually to find a stranger in my kitchen, bathroom or hanging out in my livingroom. I mentioned to L that I was kind of uncomfortable having strangers over (I had stuff I didn't want stolen) and asked if he was going to meet someone spontaneously like that, to please go over to their place or assume responsibility if something of mine gets stolen by a wayward trick ... L though, was someone who rarely liked to leave the apartment unless he had to work and once again, I was the bad guy for making a logical suggestion.

When he wasn't having strange men over, he had his friends over. Having the apartment to myself was a rare occasion indeed. Sometimes I would have a date over, and he usually stayed in his room, but never failed to make lesbian jokes, come out and drink all of our wine or leave cans of tuna around with notes saying that's what you girls like isn't it. He also frequently walked into my room without knocking (I had no lock) ... even when someone was over.

This was only the beginning.

We had 2 cats ... his cat terrorized my cat, and he got a kick out of it. My vet bills were large as I would frequently come home to find my cat bloody and shaking in a corner, and would have to take her to the vet to clean out and stitch lacerations made by his animal. He refused to help me pay any of the bills, and also refused to keep his cat locked up for portions of the day so that mine could walk around freely without having to worry about being attacked. My cat became an emotional wreck. One night I even came home to find that he had locked them up in a cage together, to try to make them be friends. He and his pothead friends had also hot boxed them in this cage on several occasions.

I was not home a lot while living with him as I worked 2 jobs and per week, averaged about 70-80 hours. I worked 7 days/week. Saturday afternoons I would often spend cleaning the house from top to bottom. Vacuuming, dusting, washing dishes, scrubbing the bath tub and toilet ... the house would be spotless and I would leave for work at about 8pm and come home at 4am to find the place in SHAMBLES. L was not only messy .. but downright dirty. He clipped his nails in the living room, left dirty cups everywhere. Allowed mold to grow on dishes in his room (which I had to clean). When he ate, he would drop food on the floor and kick it under the couch, and he often would drink juice boxes, or eat yogourts and just throw the containers on the floor instead of placing them in the garbage when he was finished. Speaking of food ... did I mention that I did the groceries for about 4 months straight? Every Sunday afternoon, I would go to the grocery store and spend on average 150-250$ on food that would only last a few DAYS ... then I'd have to eat take-out until I had enough time to go to the store AGAIN. 4 MONTHS of this! He didn't contribute.

One night in particular, I went to the neighbours house for dinner and a movie. I had done groceries that day. I came home to a trashed house, and he had eaten .. get this :

1 block of Tofu
1 bag of cookies
2 litres of juice
1 tub of hummous
1 package of pita crisps
1 bundle of celery
1 quart of soy ice cream
1 package of vegan "bologna"
2 soy burgers
1 package of ground round
he was vegan so I bought a lot of things to accomodate his diet, soon after I only bought meat and dairy.

On the advice of some friends, I decided to let the apartment go, to see how long it would take him before he himself was disgusted enough with the filth to clean it himself ...

A week went by and no cleaning had been done. At the week and a half point, you could smell the stench from dishes and the garbage from the hallway outside the apartment. The dirt kept accumulating ... he started eating off paper plates and out of containers instead of physically doing any dishes. The washroom STUNK like a urinal, his room stunk, my room was a disaster (I gave up cleaning completely during that week and a half ... normally I am a clean freak, almost to a fault) ... it was a nightmare.

I couldn't handle it anymore and caved in and cleaned the place ... It took me 3 days. I was worried about getting sick, that's how dirty it became.

This is not even the END of how bad things were with this guy ...

He was a hairstylist, who decided to quit his job and open his own salon. During the time he was out of work (2 months), he decided to work out of home ... he bought a salon chair, and had clients in the house ALL DAY and NIGHT. I would wake up in the morning to have a shower for work, and there'd be a lineup of girls waiting to get their hair washed, colored .. whatever. He thought it was UNPROFESSIONAL of me to go ahead of them. When I asked him to not schedule his clients around the time when I get ready for work (same time EVERY day) he FLIPPED and YELLED and asked me if I wanted him to pay the rent or not. There were clients there morning, noon and night. Not only did he cut their hair, he fed them MY food and offered them MY tea and coffee to drink.

Guess who had to clean up the bathroom after these people?

We had an old fashioned cast iron tub that was COVERED in stains by the end of the day from hair color.

I also had to sweep MOUNDS of hair in the apartment, and our hydro bills went way up from the spike in electricity use.

Working nearly 80 hours a week with almost 0 personal time and having to deal with this was a recipe for a near mental collapse.

On top of that, being a bartender, I always enjoyed keeping a stocked bar in the house ... well until he moved in. He and his friends always drank whatever I had in the house prompting me to stop buying it.

He hated the neighbours below us and would harrass them by being extra loud, wearing heels around the house and purposely blaring annoying music. He also liked to throw eggs and buckets of water at passing pedestrians from our living room windows.

This entry is turning into a book ... I could go on, but my fingers are sore.

He ended up moving out. I kept the place for myself. It took me 2.5 weeks to clean the apartment to my liking (the kitchen alone took me 4 days), and we took 16 large industrial garbage bags full of his trash out to the dumpster after he left.

Now I live alone in a beautiful and spotless apartment.

NEVER will I EVER have roommates again.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
I would have killed him!!
I thought I've had bad roommates... that... wow.
I can't believe that someone would treat anyone that way. That's horrible.
I would have killed him for the tuna jokes alone, but the man should be incarcerated. I'm glad you (both) survived!!
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:07 pm (UTC)
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
You were *really* nice to buy food to accomodate his vegan diet. I would have started buying all meat and dairy immediately after he started taking advantage of it.
Jul. 8th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
It was really nice ... but since we were really close friends for so long, he seemed kind of like family to me ... which is why I took care of him (ie: buying his food, cleaning up after him for so long) ... I'm very motherly with people. Enough was enough though in this situation, which is why eventually there were huge steaks, pork chops and milk in my fridge. I learned my lesson the hard way unfortunately, in some cases, being too nice to people will bite you in the ass.
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
brutal!! I've had many good roommate experiences and only one or two negative ones, but the negative ones were enough to put me off roommates. I'm married now, but I find that with a partner at least there is sex to smooth things over/bribe him with :)
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
I think you win this community.
Jul. 8th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
lol ... I once had another roommate who was almost just as horrible ... I will post about that later.

He didn't last quite as long though, 5 months compared to 2 years with this guy!
Jul. 7th, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)
Yep, you surely do win.
Jul. 8th, 2008 01:47 am (UTC)
gay man makeing tuna jokes about lesbian women wtf. i would have skinned him alive for going into your room the first time, then again for his cat hurting yours, and last for just doing the crap that he was doing. girl you are a saint cuse if that had been me i would have gone to jail for the a$$ beating i would have given him
Jul. 8th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
This is quite possibly the worst one yet!

You shouldn't swear off roommates forever though. I have two roommates that I get along with very well. I think it's just important to know someone well enough so that you have a pretty good idea of what their living habits are like before you agree to live with them.
Jul. 8th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
In total, I have had 6 roommates over the years, and only 1 of them has ever been totally awesome. The roommate I referred to in my post was someone I knew for a couple of years before we lived together ... I went to his place, it wasn't filthy, and he seemed like he would be awesome, so his behaviour was shocking to me. You never really know someone until you live with them ... I had a similar experience with another roommate which I will post later. May not be off them forever, but it certainly will be a long time before I consider sharing my space again.

Jul. 8th, 2008 06:17 am (UTC)
wow. I would've at LEAST shoved him into a little box with his demented, and probably rabid, cat and left him to rot.
Jul. 8th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC)
I think we should canonize you! You seem so nice (from the cleaning and the buying vegan food).
I would have drawn the line at coming home and finding my cat bloody. I'd be in jail for murder (I have four cats-the oldest likes to attack the youngest, and while she's never injured her, she still doesn't get away with it!), or at least I'd report him for animal cruelty (then again, that probably wouldn't have helped much...).
...Maybe you should have switched around all his hair products? Like Nair in the shampoo, taken the hair dye and made odd colors...?
Jul. 8th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
ha! I thought about switching around his stuff at one point, though ... I couldn't bring myself to do it though. The worst I did to him was collected all the nail clippings he left in the livingroom and put them in his bed. He then started hiding little piles of them in areas around the livingroom (wtf is wrong with clipping your toenails in the shower or over the toilet?) - I think at that point, he was trying to make some sort of statement.

Right before he moved out, he collected a bunch of hair from the floor and threw it in the fridge
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )